Littleyes@_@广州人在澳洲

我最近，刚毕业（第二次毕业啦，唔好又以为我学士读六年啦！）温工原来好烦咖，澳洲经济又唔好，我又人又唔识得多个，温边个推介我？？

老豆话，唉，真唔抵，你返黎大把野你做。我都觉，我又唔系唔做得野。二等公民真难做。

 

不过呢，做人开心未得咯，碰到几次壁，对身体好咖。

 

于是想，正业仲甘渺茫既时候，不如搞下副业咯。

 

于是画左本书仔。

 

都话副业咯，d公仔梗系无甘专业咖啦，我又唔系读美术既！！

 

去图！

唔小心系个妹既blog度睇到，觉得几得意就睇落去。谁知。。。

无奈下就摆呢篇野黎呢个尘封既网页。。。唔好乱睇啊，有后着咖！！

1.当你收到“你干嘛呢？”实际上是想说“我想你了”

今年终于返屋企过年，d阿姨比利士既时候问我几时比返利士距啊？终于，我身边既大人开始‘担心’我既终身大事啦，连个妹都问我几时结婚。我根本无‘淋’过呢d问题，出国呢几年，成个人好似被preserve左甘，无人再干涉，可以全心全意去‘找自己’。究竟我系个点既人，我想要个点既人陪我过日子，我中意d咩，适合d咩，想成就d咩，如果我听日就死，今日要做d咩事。我想温到呢d答案，有个确实既目标先出发。

出左国，唔需要系人地既睇法同意见下生活同做决定，就算系犯错，都心甘情愿。难得甘自在。‘淋’到如果返中国就要开始面对返好多人同事，仲有我阿爸阿妈身边d三姑六婆，我真系开始唔想返。

甘多旧同学开始陆续结婚，我都开始‘淋’结婚既时间同原因。我发觉，好多人早结婚系为左生仔，有d人系因为父母逼婚。我d甘既人，可能系想法太浪漫挂，系无可能为以上原因去结婚既。有个几‘灵’既睇相佬都话我迟d结好，搞到我阿妈唔敢催，正和我意。其实甘早结，好易7年之痒，结左又离，都系搞好Project Tiffany先啦。

阿然话如果想090909结婚，无论身边系咩人。有d冲动，不顾后果，虽然我唔赞成，但唔知道点解我就系好佩服距，系呢个甘物质，甘现实，有时甚至丑恶既世界，依然有浪漫既勇气。

我呢个系浪漫同现实之间徘徊既边缘人，想祝福你。

Feels like I've been running all life long, and I've been trained to deal with problems this way. A trouble family? Go live with relatives, go to boarding school, go oversea. A trouble relationship? Go to another city, another country, another man that may worth trusting. Yet I never stopped believing, there is someone somewhere, held the same silly thoughts about life, that simple is more, love is the reason of life, and having each other is ultimate happiness. Everytime life is disappointing, I ran away and hoped to start fresh, although deep down, I've always been carrying these emotional luggages. But this time, I simply run out of place to run to, I feel like I've seen enough, heard enough, been through enough, and there is nothing more out there, to look for. Why can the world be an honest place? Why are there so many temptations? Why give me excuses? You said you lied to make me feel better, but the damage is done, lying just makes worse. The only one can feel better out of these lies is you, coz you dont need to deal with the consequences of your wrongs.

 

I'm digging my own grave, but I'm so desperate to know the whole truth, how bad things can go? How bad people can be? And how happy they are by being bad coz they simply dont care. Even it's hurtful, even nothing will be the same, I rather know and be destroyed then being a fool living in her fantasy. I wish I had never been brought into this cruel world. I wish to be a rock, a plant, a drop of water, I dont wanna feel anymore.

 

Was watching TV, just learnt that one of the contestants of a singing show I've been following just commited suicide. Now I know that I am not the only one cant cope. But it's so unfair, her death only affects those who care about her. Those who dont give a shit, still dont give a shit. We tried to survive for the ones who love us, but it's so hard, coz we dont know who they really are. And people are so unpredictable, they are still good men, good people, but they changed in a snap. I dont know how long i can do this for. Maybe I should just disappear...

 

Why I feel so ashame of this when it's not my fault? Why can I be strong? Why I can only compromise? I wish I am one of you.

 

You told me that you are scared of dead, coz there might not be anything in the afterlife. But to me, that is such a relief.

如果有人睇我既日记，希望你地唔好唔适应，因为我从天堂跌入左谷底。虽然，未到地狱。希望大家比d良言我，等我可以保持positive既心境。

Anyway。。

系电话袭击WingWing两个半钟之后，距终于话有d头痛，所以结束左通话。我觉得朋友真系好重要，尤其系懂得自己既朋友，系地球既另一半，都比到我安慰。

虽然有想过死，但仲有甘多地方未去，甘多野未吃，甘多戏未睇，甘多歌未听。死，解决了短期的痛，但牺牲了我可以有既以后既快乐。何必呢？

所以，我要重新走出路啦。会去一次旅行，会“的”起心肝，决定去学Salsa。会坚强，会自信，会像下一个快乐的地方出发，会珍惜自己。唔珍惜自己，人地先会糟蹋你。唔会再比人地理由。Not my Mom, not my Dad, not my love。

我是我自己的主人，自己的归属。不会再盲目的找一个家。可以让我任性，可以安心睡着的地方，就是我的家。因为真正最爱我的人，就是自己而已吧？

心痛是必要的成长。

所有心痛的人啊。You will be fine.

 

Tiff